The end of a year is the perfect time to pause and reflect. Reflections scare me because I never live up to my intentions from the beginning of the year. December brings such high hopes for the next 12 months and such deep despair for the previous 12...
Here's the deal: God knows me. He knows my ordinary life. And He is calling me to be a part of His plan... The dreams that I have for myself are never going to be as big as the dreams God will give me if I submit fully to His perfect will. Even a short-lived life, wholly obedient to God, can cause a ripple effect of blessings to be felt by generations to come.
The truth is that I've been wallowing in a shallow pool of self-pity lately. There really is no rhyme or reason for it, it just is... Ive even taken to crying. A lot. And I hate myself for it, which makes it even harder to get out of this yucky mud puddle. I feel ordinary. Completely generic, dime-a-dozen, and authentic yet unoriginal. To say that I don't know who I am is barely a lie. I mean, I know what I stand for. My faith in Jesus as Savior and Redeemer is Rock-solid. I know my name. At least, I think I do. But this is more of a surface-style identity crisis. Will I be "just" a mom (said with a grin and a tear) forever? Will my life amount to more than a butt wiper-turned-chauffeur-turned-team mom?
Will I ever get to go back to college and BE somebody? Will I always only ever get to support my husband's career aspirations without having anything to call my own?
So, if you can picture it, Ive been stewing on all of this for the better part of the fall, and on into the winter. THEN, GOD. *BAM*. He stood me up, woke me up, and set my feet on solid ground as only He can. He simultaneously chastised me and loved me back to wholeness.
He opened my eyes and my heart to the story of Joseph. Yes, that Joseph. As in Mary and Joseph. Yeah, that dude. That super important dude, who only makes a cameo in the Bible. The first human hands to hold the baby Jesus, with zero dialogue in the Scriptures. The man who raised the Son of Man. THAT Joseph. The man who was faithfully obedient to God despite that faithfulness costing him everything. His job, his home, his friends, his dignity. He was obedient to marry a chick who was already knocked-up, when everyone told him to stone her. He honored God when God told him to take his new wife and her baby to Egypt - a place where he had no friends, no family, no support, and provide a life for them there. After just enough time had passed to get comfortable and established, God wakes him up again and calls Him to take Mary and Jesus back to Israel… Here is the astonishing part to me. Joseph just goes. He doesn't balk or complain or linger. He just does exactly what God tells him to do.
Call me crazy, but I think that that is exactly what God wants from all of us. Thank of all the ways He could save us from bad situations, if we were just obedient. Think of all the blessings that would rain down from Heaven if we were just first-time obedient!
My prayer for 2016 is that I would be first-time obedient.
